S3E9 - The courage to slow down: a solo reflection on finding your pace in a world that won't stop rushing

What if slowing down was not a weakness, but a skill?

In this solo reflection, Ksenia talks about how she went from constantly rushing (and feeling like rest was something she had to “earn”) to slowly learning the courage it takes to pause, breathe, and choose a different pace, even when the world (and her mind) is screaming “go faster.”

She shares:

- Why slowing down often feels so uncomfortable 

- The sneaky guilt that comes with resting or moving slowly

- Moments from her own life when the rush nearly took over

- Gentle, doable ways to start listening to your body and mind and slowing down before burnout forces you to stop

If you’ve ever wondered why it feels so hard to rest or worried that slowing down will make you fall behind, this episode is your reminder: rest is not “wasting time” or being lazy. Slowing down is a skill you can learn and practice, one that will enrich your life and, in the long run, make you more focused and productive.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:05

Hello, hello and welcome to this episode of Mom's Maths and Manuscripts. This time it's just me. I'm alone and I'm recording a series of two, maybe three solo episodes because it's summer, it's early August when I'm recording this. My co-host Ivna is chilling on the seaside, is on holidays for the entire summer and I'm also going on holiday soon, so I thought let's squeeze in a few episodes that we can then slowly release as we go. and talk about some summer stuff. So what's best to talk about in August when holidays are either happening right now or going to happen very soon is the topic that is on my mind a lot is slowing down. And I was thinking about it because of a Instagram trend that I remembered from a year ago or a about dolce far niente the sweetness of doing nothing and how we kind of romanticize it and how everybody wants to experience this sweetness of doing nothing or the sweetness of slow leaving and yeah slowing down but in this modern fast-paced world it's very difficult to do so and especially if you are in a career that um pushes the idea and the ideal of working a lot and moving fast and hustling doing doing doing because otherwise you're going to fall behind or otherwise you know if you're in science you know that you know somebody else might sweep in and kind of steal quote-unquote your discovery publish your results or publish something similar and then you think that you're not going to be relevant anymore so You cannot slow down. You have to move, move, move, move, move all the time. It's very difficult to slow down and to experience this, this dolce far niente or the kind of living in the moment. But I wanted to talk about why it's important and also the fact that it's a skill. And my experiences with this as a skill, my experiences with this or kind of not being able to do this at first or finding it very, very difficult, finding it extremely almost unsafe to slow down, almost feeling like I'm under threat if I'm trying to do that, to... learning or i mean it's still a work in progress it's not something that i can honestly and confidently say that i have learned already and i have mastered not at all but i am still learning and i feel like i've gotten better at this so maybe i can share a little bit also about what helped me and what what worked for me in order to learn this skill. And we will draw some examples from yoga and from motherhood and from everything that is kind of top of mind for me right now. Obviously, we understand that this constant hustling mentality, constant pushing, constant moving without allowing yourself... time to rest, time to process, time to recover is a straight road to burnout. And you can have maybe bursts of this pushing when you have a big deadline or when you have something going on that you need to finish, you need to push for a little bit, but constantly living like this is not really sustainable. And this is exactly what is being sort of put on us and pushed on us from the outside and then we internalize that we kind of have to live like this but then we find ourselves burnt out or there's chronically stressed and under a lot of pressure plus maybe some physical conditions or health conditions that are deteriorating and we think that oh my god I cannot move so fast anymore I cannot push so much anymore I cannot pull all nighters something must be wrong with me I'm failing I'm Which is, no, you're not failing. It's just, we're not supposed to live like this. We are not supposed to be constantly on, right? And in the same vein, we're not supposed to be constantly stressed. We're supposed to experience a stress response and then come down from this. But again, very difficult in the modern world, not be constantly stressed.

UNKNOWN: 4:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 4:57

And of course, it's also if we're talking about that in the context of careers or work where you have to have some level of creativity to problem solve, to find novel solutions, to find answers to really difficult questions, which is what scientists are doing. You cannot really be creative if you are always moving. For being creative, for... spikes of creativity, you kind of need to step back and allow your brain some idle time and some time to just be doing its thing on its own without your conscious effort to be like thinking about the problem and to be thinking about your experiments or whatever it is that you're doing. And we don't really do that anymore. We are either on, as in we're working, or we are on consuming information because we are resting by watching Netflix or we are resting by scrolling on Instagram or listening to a show, listening to news, listening to podcasts, by the way. But the brain is then busy processing this information. absorbing and thinking about the information that you are giving to it, but it's not really taking the time to kind of run in the background and be creative. So your creativity suffers, your problem-solving suffers, your focus will suffer eventually, even if it doesn't feel or seem like that at the beginning. Your body might start suffering And I think one thing that was really key for me is that the relationships start suffering because you are losing moments of connection. You are not present maybe with your loved ones. And especially it hit me in motherhood because in motherhood there are There's also a lot of expectations, outside expectations, that then you internalize and start putting on yourself. And that your child has to do this, that you have to be entertaining them or doing some developmental games or whatever with them as soon as they're born. Just show them the black and white pictures and whatnot. And in the rush of doing all the things and doing all the things right... At some point, I realized that I'm so stressed and so anxious to do everything and development and massages and games and sing to him and talk to him and make sure that he eats, make sure that he sleeps in the right moment and make sure that I follow the wake windows. I kind of forgot how to enjoy him, how to enjoy time with my son. And I felt like I was missing this connection because I was constantly on this alert that I need to run through a checklist every time he's awake. And even when he's asleep, I have a different checklist for that. Laundry, cooking, cleaning, right? Yeah, so this kind of constantly rushing and never slowing down, never allowing some maybe less important things to fall off, either actually or in my mind. I forgot to enjoy my child and I felt like I missed some time with him, some just bonding or some connection with him because of this mental checklist and this attempt to do everything and to manage everything, which is, it's a little bit sad, but I think at least I caught myself early enough doing that and I didn't lose anything. quote unquote, lose that much time. But we might be just doing this without awareness and we might be rushing without awareness, right? And we might be losing precious moments with friends or with loved ones, with our children, with our parents. And we might be not realizing that. And I guess my hope is that we realize that before it's too late, let's say. I think, so for me, the realization that I'm doing that, it hit me in motherhood, but obviously it was coming also much earlier. And I was feeling that I cannot really slow down. I cannot really enjoy moments of stillness or moments of slowness. I was noticing it even way before, like when I was still in the lab, when I was still working before my PhD and then in PhD. Whenever I was on holidays or whenever I was taking some time off, I would still be mentally on and mentally in the lab. And for example, if we would go to, let's say, to have a beach holiday, I would kind of... Maybe for the first few days at least, if not the first week, I would go through the motions, but mentally I would still be like, oh my God, what am I missing? Maybe I need to check my emails. Maybe I should have taken some printed out papers and read them on this chaise longue on the beach while I'm tanning or whatever. I cannot afford to waste this time, but I would not bring papers. I would not bring my laptop, most likely. I would not check my emails. I was always making it a point to not have my work emails on my phone. but I would be worrying about it. And this mental loop as well was preventing me from resting and preventing me from enjoying my holiday. And I would feel that it's kind of not safe for me to enjoy and not safe for me to let go of these thoughts and this guilt. And that's why I was not really resting for the first days or maybe a week. And then I would need I would feel like I would need a holiday after holiday because by the end of my holiday, I would finally let go and relax enough to actually start restoring myself and actually start feeling like this rest is working and is restorative. But then it would be time to go home and to go back to work. And I would almost feel like a kind of hangover after a holiday because I would need a bit more time to actually rest and actually recharge my batteries and feel like, okay, yes, I'm ready to go back to work. And this feeling of readiness to go back to work or maybe even an itch to go back to work only appeared, I would say, maybe the year before I had my son. So I was already outside, out of the lab and I was working for myself as I was already self-employed. And it's not just because of, you know, self-employment or because I was doing something that I was actually enjoying. I think it's just because I kind of learned to let go of the guilt and let go of the this inner voice that was telling me, why are you doing this? Why are you relaxing? You should not be relaxing. You haven't done enough. You haven't deserved this and so on. And I was also noticing this in yoga. It was very difficult to... At the beginning, it was very difficult to practice slower styles of yoga, like yin or restorative. And I would be... I would be moving all the time. Like, for example, if you don't know, in yin yoga, you are kind of traditionally, you're supposed to take the pose and try not to move for the entire duration of the pose, which can be three minutes, five minutes, sometimes even 10 minutes in like really intense yin yoga classes. And it's so hard. At the beginning, it's so hard. You kind of, you want to lift your head, you want to look around, you want to start picking at your skin, you want to start... Removing small dust from your mat or whatever. You want to do something. You want to be doing. Because this stillness, again, feels unsafe. Feels uncomfortable. But it's in this discomfort that you kind of learn to appreciate it. And you learn to let go and start enjoying it. And I do notice it a lot also in my students. Like sometimes they think... or they tell me even directly that can we do a faster class because i need to lose weight or i need to tone my body or whatever it's almost like you think that even your yoga practice has to be productive it has i mean apart from the fact that we conflate yoga with just exercise and we don't think often about the other benefits to a yoga practice more mental or spiritual benefits of a yoga practice when we only think about it as exercise just apart from that you are trying to put like more goals for your yoga practice apart from just you know I'm just going to practice I'm just going to breathe and move and relax you're also thinking no it has to be more productive than that I have to also tone my body or create a beach booty or whatever it is and it's It's also kind of difficult to let go of this idea and just be, okay, now I'm just going to move on my mat without any agenda and without any additional ideas and goals put on this moment. But again, I feel like through yoga and through intentionally subjecting myself to this uncomfortable stillness and uncomfortable slow practices, I... did at some point learn to appreciate it and learn to notice so you kind of the self-awareness increases and as you slow down you start noticing a bit more how your body is working how you're breathing through the movements or through the poses how maybe the difference between the sides you know one side is more stable and stronger the other one is less so maybe i need to put more attention and more love and direct more of my love towards this side, which is impossible to do when you are just moving to a very, very, very fast-paced class and trying to catch up with the instruction or trying to catch up with how fast you think you have to go. You are... maybe moving but you're not doing any actual work either physical or mental and emotional work that is supposed to be part of the practice and it's given me I feel like the slow practices have given me also a lot of learning opportunities to understand the benefit of slowing down and it gives you space for learning more about your body about yourself about your reactions about what kind of thoughts are coming up in this moment so yeah it's it's not only awareness about the body it's also awareness about your thinking and your patterns which is actually when i i think i started first noticing that i'm being a little bit mean to myself and i'm talking all this smack like you have to be you cannot be so slow you cannot be Just sitting here, not doing anything. You have to move. You have to do something. And then I realized that actually the same thoughts are coming up in other situations, right? Off the mat. So yoga is especially slow, frustratingly slow. Yoga like yin or restorative can be really good for this increased self-awareness and for you to practice slowing down and knowing that it's safe for you to slow down. And I think other things that were really helpful for me is actually trying to block, especially as I transitioned into self-employment and started being in control of my schedule and my work, blocking white space. Also, not easy. Things start to come up and they start to kind of bleed through into the white space, but I tried really hard for a while to block time in my calendar that would be for nothing. Either breaks between tasks, like 15-minute slots that are for nothing, and I would try to really finish my previous task and still... respect this 15-20 minutes break in between so that I can recharge and kind of realign with what's next instead of oh I have 15 minutes I can do this and that or I have 15 minutes I'm working from home as a self-employed I can go and start a load of laundry or unload the dishwasher no the 15 minutes are for me are my white space for rest and for not doing anything maybe I will enjoy a cup of coffee or something but I will not intentionally do anything any work or any household chores so another thing is I think very helpful and also not easy is intentionally slowing down some things that you are doing like meals and being mindful about eating. So not eating while you are, you know, scrolling on your phone or watching something, but actually mindfully consuming your food and focusing on the flavors and the textures and conversation maybe if you are eating with somebody. Slowing down your showers, not just going through the motions but trying to enjoy the smells the the feeling of the warm water whatever it is like for me i do enjoy my showers and i i like to kind of like turn it into a little self-care practice and you know take care of myself or offer myself some self-compassion as i'm as i'm taking a shower whatever it is but You know, you find something that you enjoy, like maybe you're taking a walk, maybe you're taking a mindful bike ride through a new route, not the one that you're usually taking. So some small mindful activities or adding mindfulness, adding slowness into an activity that you will do anyway, just trying to not rush through it and do it a little bit differently, a little bit change the pace and change the... the intention behind it so you're not just you know getting calories or you're not just washing yourself but you are also practicing a little bit of slowness and safety in slowness and another thing is that it's also used to be a trend on Instagram at some point about romanticizing your life and there were all these aesthetic videos of making coffee or journaling and very pretty aesthetically pleasing journals with beautiful pens in bed with matching bed linen and all that well if you're thinking that my life is very aesthetic with a feral toddler at home no Sorry to disappoint. It's absolutely not. But I still try to find ways to create small rituals and romanticize these little moments. Whatever it is, again, it can be a shower. It can be a cup of coffee. Maybe, you know, I would make my coffee without looking at my phone as I'm doing that. Or I would... take some time and yes you know I might not even drink this coffee or I might not have time for this sometimes you know life happens but it also doesn't have to be a huge elaborate ritual you know it can be five minutes here five minutes there but I find that these little rituals are also helping to slow down and appreciate this and give you a sense of mindfulness and kind of like, I need to slow down. You cannot rush your way through a ritual. So romanticizing a little bit, little things in your life, romanticizing some maybe daily routine tasks that you can do, turning them into a ritual could also be very helpful to slow down, even if it's just a little bit, even if it's just for a couple of minutes. And especially if you have a small child at home, you know, it's just going to be a couple of minutes here and a couple of minutes there, but it's already adding up and it's already enough and it's already going to work. So it's definitely a skill. And it's definitely something that was very challenging. Sometimes still is very challenging for me. And I am sure that it's very challenging for you as But it's something that we can learn or kind of relearn, maybe remember, because we never had this issue, right, when we were children. And we could just spend hours maybe watching insects or throwing pebbles into the puddle or into the water, and we would not be bored or we would not feel bad about it. But we can... relearn this we can remember this and it does give us more capacity to be present with potential to improve our relationships with potential to improve our relationship with ourselves we give ourselves through that we give ourselves more capacity for deep thinking for creativity for better problem solving and ultimately better focus but setting aside thinking about work and thinking about how this can make us more productive it's just going to enrich your life i think and bring a little bit more joy a little bit more presence a little bit more enjoyment and happiness about the little moments that you're going through about maybe you know if you have a child you will see the curiosity and you will actually notice the the little goofy things that they are doing and it's going to be more imprinted in your memory as well because you're more present and you're there for these moments so it is um think in this episode today I wanted to talk more about this as like a personal practice and how it can be helpful for us individually and definitely it's a whole other conversation about how it can have a ripple effect for society and culture and especially maybe if we're talking about science or academia how it can have a ripple effect there and bleed through into your work or inspire others and I think that's a topic for the next episode that's a topic for the next conversation but definitely slowing down in a in our fast-paced world as complicated as hard as it can be it is a practice of loving oneself and caring for oneself and it is something that we can you know deliberately try to remember try to relearn and it's um it's going to then trickle down to other areas of our lives and help there. And just a quick little thing to add. If you find this situation familiar, that you are on holidays or in the evening, in the weekend, you know that you have to rest and you are trying to rest, but the guilt is just too loud and too overwhelming and you are tensing up and thinking... What should I do? Should I work? Should I not work? Should I try to rest but I'm also not really resting? What do I do? If this is familiar for you, if you have struggled with that or if you are struggling with that, I have created something that is going to help you ease this guilt and make it a little bit quieter in your mind so that you can actually rest and you can actually enjoy your holiday or your weekend or your evening. You can find it through the link in the description underneath this video. and it's completely free you can just get it and listen to it it's a meditation and a private podcast and enjoy i hope it helps all right i think i'll end it here for today and we'll meet in the next episode where as i said we're going to talk about more how it's trickling down to other um areas and to society to other people and how it's you know less personal and more about actually enacting change in the world but for now thank you so much for listening I hope you got some ideas I hope you got some useful little nuggets and try slowing down this August you know if not now then when this is the perfect month for slowness and for slow living and let me know in the comments or send me a message. Let me know how you'd practice slowing down in this last remaining weeks of summer. I would be very curious to read about it, to read your ideas, to read your slowing down practices. So do let me know and we'll see each other soon. Bye!